Coming Home
by Hellen Lou
Summary: Sara left Vegas eight years ago... leaving only five letters to her team telling them how she thinks they should be happy... now eight years later she's going to come home to find out if they took her advice. Grillows and Snickers story.
1. Letters

Coming home

Sara left eight years ago and a lot has changed for the graveyard shift… it starts with mysterious letters arriving telling them just how they are meant to be happy and move on with their lives… then it happens when someone finally returns home.

* * *

_Eight years pervious _

_Grissom tried his hardest to understand the letter she had left him… he wanted to believe that no matter what their love was strong enough to keep her here. But he knew and so did she after what happened nothing was that strong enough, when her body laid broken under that car something had broken inside of her… it had hit too close to home and while everyone else moved on she was stuck still sinking still clawing to get out. _

_And she did in the end but she couldn't claw her way still holding on to her old life, Natalie had stolen that from her and Grissom was left to pick up the pieces… alone. _

"_Grissom" Catherine's voice broke through his thoughts, he couldn't cry and why he didn't know why maybe because he was looking at the truth he understood the truth or maybe because he was broken too now and he couldn't feel the same way anymore. _

"_Heading home" he questioned as Catherine studied him before nodding her head slowly, the sadness still ebbing from her. Though Catherine and Sara never had that easy friendship everyone expected of the only females of the team they had found their own bound but that too had been broken ripped away. _

"_Grissom… I'm sure it's for the best… she just needs time to clear everything in her head, she was made a victim… we're used to being the good guys who come into save the day" Catherine's words only break more inside of Grissom. It was true they were so used to playing the good guys coming in to save the day put the bad guys away. But it takes a lot to stop feeling like a victim… and for Sara she had been the victim too many times. _

"_She was a survivor Cath… not a victim" Grissom's voice held the pain he felt and the breaking he was still going through. Letting a deep breath Catherine made her way to her friend and sat before him. Comfort had come to be a part of their routine, something they wished would never happen but it did. _

"_Natalie stole something from Sara… she stole her confidence in the bad guys going away once we close a case, so Sara was a victim because she is never going to get that back again… at least not here, not when the memories are still so fresh" Catherine offered it was the only thing she could. _

_She knew how much Grissom was hurting how much they were hurting… it was like Sara had been stolen that night like she had been killed and the past couple of months were some horrible dream giving them all false hope. _

_Catherine was among those who truly thought Sara would be ok… that Sara was that strong to not let even that phase her but the truth was Sara was human just the rest of them. _

"_Gil me and Lindsey are doing our weekly breakfast together… she's missed seeing her uncle Grissom why don't you join us" Catherine offered as Grissom shook his head. He wasn't a pity case if Sara thought she could get through this alone then so would he. _

"_It's not a question Gil… not this time, you need time away from here and away from being alone. Lindsey really does miss you and I've missed you too… it's been too long since we've been able to talk about something that isn't case related so come on" Catherine ordered standing from her chair not letting Grissom get away from her 'I'm a mom… do as your told' stare. Laughing Grissom stood and gathered his current files and jacket. Sometimes Grissom really forgot how deep Catherine's and his own bound truly was. _

"_ok… but I get to eat what I want" Grissom ordered as Catherine nodded smiling "fine… but you do not get to tell my daughter anything that might give her ideas" Catherine declared causing Grissom to nod and follow the blonde from his office.

* * *

_

_Three months later_

_Catherine hadn't known what to think when the letters arrived, she was puzzled just like everyone else when they walked into the break to find five envelopes laying on the table addressed to the remaining graveyard team. _

_They each slowly retrieved their letters, never being one to wait Catherine was the first one to rip the envelope open and pull out a piece of paper. _

'_Catherine, _

_I wished I could tell you so many things like how you were my best friend or that things were always smooth between us but the truth is and always was that we never made it to that level. _

_I do wish it could have been different because I know now that I would have gotten through a lot more of my problems sooner if I could have confined in you. _

_Not because it was expected of us to bound because we were the only women on the team but because I respect you and I know that you would try your best. We did have some sort of bound but I doubt it was something either one of us truly wanted. _

_I do call you my friend and even now I miss you more then I ever would have told you… I miss hearing your sass, your knowledge but most of all I miss you. I never got on well with other females… I couldn't trust them. _

_The main female presence in my life was someone who was weak, I don't hate her for what happened to her but I see how you are with Lindsey and I wonder why my own mother couldn't find that courage for me or my brother. _

_I did have a brother, but I lost him years ago. _

_The night my mother did fight back was the night I lost her… and any opinion on how strong a mother could be. _

_My father never came after me… never… and though my mother tried to convince everyone that she only did what she did to protect us was a lie. _

_It has taken me three months to understand why I left… I left because I had to, I had plenty of time to go over everything while I laid dying… and in a way I did die, the person you all knew did die and I was just this shell left to wonder around trying to do the things that didn't feel easy or natural for me anymore. _

_Over these past three months I've come to a few conclusions and among those is the idea that I want you all to be happy. I may never be there to see it happen but I want you and the guys to take my words to heart and act on them because I will find out and I will be watching in my own way. _

_Me and Grissom… we were in love I truly believe that but it wasn't the love that either one of us needed or still need. It broke my heart but the truth always makes it better I've come to believe in that. _

_I do love Grissom in my own way… he was my first true love… but if you can accept that then you can be happy. _

_I want you to look at Grissom… to really look and to think about why your friendship is so easy even when he pushes everyone away why you still stick around. _

_You've had plenty of reasons to walk away to keep him at arms length but you never had and I figured it out… you love him, your in love with him and before it's too late make sure he knows that. _

_Grissom deserves happiness… happiness that he never would have really had with me. I couldn't live with the lurking thought that the only reason we were together was because he owed me something… had to try and make everything better for me. _

_He doesn't owe you anything Catherine and you don't owe him anything either that's why I know you two would be a lot happier then me and Grissom ever would have been. _

_Please… be happy and please act I think we all know that life is too short and far too precious to let happiness to slip away from us. _

_All my love _

_S. Sidle'_

_Catherine let her mouth drop before she glanced to the others who were watching her carefully gauging her reaction. She kept her eyes away from Grissom… trying hard to prove that Sara must have really gone through something to think that something was there between her and Grissom. _

_Catherine couldn't ignore the fact that even Eddie attempted to prove something more was there between her and Grissom but it was so much easier to push it all away. _

"_Cath" Greg's innocent voice broke through first and Catherine shook her head and the tears away, for the lose of a friendship she never had or the happiness she knew she could never have. _

"_It's from Sara" Catherine told him before she felt a hand on her shoulder, she didn't want to look up to see Grissom but she couldn't help herself. His cloudy eyes studied her, as though trying to read her mind to discover what Sara had told her. _

_Catherine shook her head and folded the letter back up holding it to her trying to fight back the tears. She quickly hurried from the room and left the man members of the team to stare after her before they each eyed up their own letters fearing the worse. _

* * *

Ok this is just a story I'm thinking of carrying on... I will if anyone thinks it has potential, as you can tell it's going to be a Grillows/Snickers story. So tell me whatya think about this. 


	2. Eight years later

Chapter one

Present day

Greg couldn't help but roll his eyes as he beat Nick and Warrick in yet another game of football. The pair slowly grumbled their way to handing a few dollars over to Greg who happily relieved them of their money.

"Warrick how are you losing to Greggo" Nick drawled turning his dark eyes to the other CSI who smirked and shook his head.

"Why you think man… Abby's teething and Luke refuses to let his daddy put him down. It's a miracle I still get to work without having to carry the little boy around all night long" Warrick declared as Nick smirked and shook his head.

What ever Sara had written to Warrick had proved to be a turning point in the other mans life… though Warrick's marriage didn't make it he soon fell in love with a school teacher who strangely enough he met during a case. This time however it had taken Warrick three years to finally pop the question and only four months before the pair were married.

It seemed Warrick really did take Sara's words to heart because it had been three years since he and Megan were married and a year since the arrival of the teams goddaughter Abby Brown and two months since the arrival of the teams godson Luke Brown.

"Not to mention that Megan has him whipped" Greg declared darting across the room to avoid Warrick's hit, gathering the game consol as he did.

"Man I warned you about that" "hey Megan told me she would stop making me cookies if I ever stopped reminding you of that" Greg chirped gaining a chuckle from Nick who lent back on the break room sofa smirking at Warrick who had begun to protest.

"It's true… if she didn't make damn good cookies it would only be half as fun" Nick added gaining a glare from his friend.

"Well Gris and Catherine will be here soon so you best hope we don't have a decomp and we're not working together" Warrick growled before he pushed himself from his spot and headed over to the cabinets to make himself a coffee from Greg's secret stash which two years earlier Greg had re hidden.

"Don't worry the way Cath's been going on about the wedding Grissom will gladly put you with her just to get some peace" Greg pointed out causing both men to laugh and shake their heads before the pair in question strolled into the room.

"No… and unless you want to spend the next two months in the spare room you will not bring it up again Gil" Catherine ordered firmly as she walked briskly over to Warrick and took the offered coffee and Grissom followed her attempting to give her a pleading look.

"But Lindsey loves the idea" "only because she can wear that dress I've forbidden her to wear" Catherine countered as she gave a pointed look to Grissom who hanged his head and nodded.

"How is Lindsey" Nick piped up trying his best to help his boss out gaining a thankful look from the older man.

"Doing fine… her and Adam have finally admitted to living together now" Catherine told them as Grissom shook his head.

"Catherine is still trying to convince me that she knew all along… long before the pair were even living together" Grissom declared as Catherine threw him a glare before turning her nose up.

"Just get to handing out assignments Gil… it will give you something to think about instead of the spare room" Catherine declared as Grissom sighed gaining a few stifled chuckles from the rest of his team.

"That's what whipped is Greg" Warrick pointed out to the younger man who laughed while Grissom levelled him with a glare "It's only one case tonight and it's a big one… two girls in the desert. Brass is starting to think it could be a serial" Grissom informed them slipping into work mode just like the rest had.

"Why he think that" Warrick asked as everyone watched Grissom closely as he handed out the address to everyone and the facts so far.

"Because one is a decomp and the other is fresh… both killed in the same way" Grissom's sombre voice managed to clear away any light heartedness that had been present before hand.

"Lets get to work then" Greg strong voice ordered as everyone nodded gathering them selves in their own way for what the rest of the night would bring.

It had taken nearly eight years for them all to change… some more then others but they still worked and though they would never admit it out loud it was all to do with Sara and her letters.

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It had been many years since Greg had balked at a dead body (both in late stages of decomp and freshly killed) but even he had to reel back at the sight and smell of the two bodies laying before them all.

But looking down at the bodies of two Jane does who could not have been any older they 14 Greg felt the bile rising up if it hadn't been for Nick hurrying forward and blocking the younger CSI's view Greg was sure he would have compromised the scene by up heaving his dinner all over the place.

"Son of a bitch" Warrick growled as his unconscionably ran his thumb over his wedding ring… despite most of the changes that took place in the CSI's over the years one bad thing has always struck home when they dealt with cases with children… what if it was?

Though each and everyone of them would fight tooth and nail to protect the youngest additions to their strange family unit they each let that one stray and terrible thought cross their minds, it could be one of the kids laying there.

It was to make sure that they really cherished what they had and what they future would bring to them.

"Nick and Greg process the area around the bodies… Catherine and Warrick you can talk to and process the couple that found them. I'm heading to Jim find out what we're dealing with" it was one of the new unspoken rules among them all. If they had the chance they would make sure the two CSI's with kids stayed away from the bodies and focused on anything else.

It was usually frowned upon but the team worked better this way.

"this is going to be a long night" Greg declared as though he was trying get a bad taste out of his mouth his eyes focused on the ground around girls instead of on the girls.

"Well it got a whole lot shorter for these two" Nick offered as Greg looked at him and nodded running hand through his hair.

"We better make sure that the sick bastard who did this is going to have long night in prison… I'm hoping his made a bitch on his first night" Greg declared and Nick knew only too well that it wasn't a joke.

It was a wish.

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Jim couldn't help but offer the supportive look when Grissom stood beside him "holding up" he questioned as Grissom nodded glancing to Catherine one last time as she and Warrick focused on questioning the witnesses.

"In time…do you have names" Grissom asked as Jim sighed before he pulled a bagged evidence bag from his pocket "found by the couple, I bagged it as soon as we got here. They picked it up with the intention of giving it into the police when they went back to the city" Jim declared gaining a raised eyebrow from Grissom.

"Their from out of town… they even put a pie out on the window still to cool. Jane Doe two is Keely Appleton, 14 years old. This is her student I.D, she's from San Francisco" Jim informed him as Grissom took the ID from him and studied the picture of the freckled faced red head who only grinned up at him with a haunting happiness he knew she was never going to have again.

"I've put in a call to the CSI's over there and their going to call back when they have more to tell us" Jim admitted the hint of defeat evident in his voice.

"look Gris is it fair on Brown… or Catherine" Jim questioned lowering his voice in the hopes not to be overheard but Grissom gave him a tight smile.

"It isn't but we both know what would happen if I removed them from the case… these girls deserve peace and we're the best people to give them that" Grissom admitted before he looked at the bodies again and watched Nick and Greg move gracefully and respectfully.

"Jane Doe one didn't have ID and we can't tell you much from what we've found so far… but she could be from San Francisco like Appleton" Jim admitted staring directly in to the other mans eyes.

"Then they are a long way from home… once we've finished processing I want Doc robins to get to work" Grissom ordered as Jim nodded before shrill beep from his cell made both men start.

Snatching his cell up quickly Jim answered on the third ring "Brass" he answered training his eyes on the ground while Grissom waited patiently.

"Yeah… fax them over" Jim ordered before he straightened "when" Grissom tried his best to piece the conversation together but he found it was harder then he thought so simply watched Jim's facial expressions.

"Fine… I'll tell them, hope to speak to you with some better news. I'll pick them up myself" Jim answered before he hanged up and looked to Grissom.

"they have confirmed Appleton… went missing a week ago on her way home, parents filled out a missing persons report. The second vic might be Jane Combs… she went missing three weeks before Appleton attended the same school and like Appleton went missing on the way home" Jim told him as Grissom mentally took note of what he was being told.

"Gris there is more… they think Appleton was taken by a serial, he's kidnapped and killed seven other girls in San Francisco. It's an on going case so that means" "their sending one of their own" Grissom finished as Jim nodded.

"Their going to be here first thing tomorrow morning… the case CSI is going to be working with you guys with what they got, their sending over all their information" Jim informed him causing Grissom to raise an eyebrow.

"No questions asked" Grissom asked as Jim nodded his own shock etched across his face.

"Apparently someone vouched for us over there and know that we can be trusted to keep them up to date on everything that is going on with the case" Jim added causing Grissom to start thinking, wondering if their reputation had reached that far or if they had a hidden friend within the San Francisco crime lab.

"You best tell the rest of them… I know it hasn't been easy for them to work with anyone else since Sara left" Jim declared as Grissom nodded and followed the other man over to his team.

* * *

She was scared… her hands trembled as she packed her bag, even repacking it twice. She had made the arrangements the moment she heard the call come in.

Her heart was thumping because she was that closer to getting him, the serial who for the past year and half had made every teenager girls life a living hell. Parents had changed routines just to ward him off but even that hadn't been enough.

She knew he was hiding in plain sight, he was taunting them all by outsmarting them all. But he slipped up, he only had the advantaged in San Francisco because it was his home. He knew it like the back of his hand… his mistake this time was going somewhere else.

He had gone to her home… even now eight years later it was still her home and he had mistakenly decided to taunt her family on her home turf.

Sighing she glanced at the pictures gracing her bedside table, looking past the most recent pictures she looked at the one that had been taken a long time ago.

"I'm coming home" she muttered before she returned to her packing, slowly making the call she knew she would have to make one day.

She just wished it was because of a happy event not because she had a bad guy to catch.

* * *

ok so here is chapter one... we've seen Catherine's letter and we will see the rest of the letters later on but for now we've got to get over the shock of someone coming home.

GSRFAN27 thanks for my first review and the wonderful way you open your review i bet if you said that word that many times it woulnd't make sense any more.


	3. She's coming home

Chapter two

_Seven years and 9 months earlier _

_Greg couldn't get his fingers to work as he opened the envelop no matter how nimble his fingers were at processing evidence or tracing prints this simple act of opening a letter seemed to elude him. _

_Greg hadn't been aware of much after Catherine told him -- them that the letter was from Sara. _

_It had been too easy to piece together that all the letters had been from Sara, and Greg didn't want to read his. _

_Despite knowing that Sara had gone, she had left in the night he knew that the moment he read this letter he knew she was gone for good. _

_And it tore at his heart, he had fought hard from the lab to the field to be who he was but most of all for the people he worked with. _

_They weren't the second best lab in the country for nothing, these people were the best both in the field and in their personal lives and Greg had fought so hard for that. _

_Sara had been apart of that and with her gone… it just felt that Greg had lost. _

_With a moment of courage his fingers found their way to opening the letter and before he even knew it Sara's familiar handwriting scrolled out before him. _

'_Greg_

_I wondered if I could have written anything more harder then my letter to Grissom the night I left… for a few months I truly thought it was. _

_Until I wrote this… if you could see me you would know my heart is breaking with each word I write to you. _

_I wished things turned out differently for us all… I wish that I was never kidnapped, I wish Nick was never buried, I wish that Catherine was never left in that room. _

_But most of all I wish that you never tried to be a hero… you were broken a little that night, and it broke a little more of me. _

_I've watched you Greg you've grown from a cocky lab worker to a wonderful and bright CSI, and I don't see you stopping anytime soon._

_I had my doubts when Grissom allowed you to transfer, you were just Greg from the lab… always wore scruffy clothes and some outrageous hair style. But the first time I looked into your eyes after you closed a case I knew you weren't any of those things… you were just Greg Sanders. _

_And that is what I miss most of all, I can't explain to you any better then I did to the others why I left… all I can offer you is that I had to. I was dying under the Vegas lights and no matter how much I tried I couldn't reach out for any of you. _

_I'm better here… I will never be whole again because I'm not home but I'm better. I wish I could ask you for that to be enough but it isn't and I know you will never accept that, but for now all I ask is that you let that be the truth. _

_I do love you Greg, more then I ever-- should have told you. You were my best friend, I would have done anything for you just like I know you would have done for me. But even with the love I couldn't stay, I couldn't be that person anymore. _

_I'm telling you this because I know out of everyone you are among the few who understand that… Nick understands just like you do. We've fought to come back from what happened to us but I wasn't that strong… I couldn't carry on. _

_I was fighting Greg and all I could see was the bad guys winning, everyday they were winning more and more. _

_Over the past three months I've been thinking and processing everything I've learnt from the seven years with you all, and now I'm strong enough to let you know the truth. _

_I want you to be happy , all of you to be happy even though I might not be there to see it happen. _

_But for that to happen you have to listen to what I tell you… it's the only way I know that you will be happy. _

_Forgive Grissom… it was never his fault that I left, because even if he did have the chance to make me stay I would have hated him for it. You would hate him for that fact too._

_I broke what ever bound we had by leaving but I had too._

_Greg you need to be the best CSI you can… I know you can do it and it is because of this knowing that I'm telling you to be the best human you can be too. Don't become like Grissom, be you. Feel, for the victims and for the families. _

_Don't stop feeling Greg because it doesn't matter how good a CSI you can be your still human and the moment you stop feeling something -- anger, love, fear, hate-- then the bad guys win and the world loses another innocent person. _

_That is all I can ask of you Greg… for now. _

_All my love _

_S. Sidle_

_Greg didn't register the tears until a wetness spread across his hand, swiping at his eyes he dared to glance at the other three men in the room and noticed that they were each holding their own letters. _

_They had feared the worst…. And for the most part they had received the worst. _

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Present day

Greg rubbed at his eyes while Nick drove the Tahoe back to the lab, despite getting enough sleep before shift his eyes were gritty.

It had become a pattern after dealing with too many hard cases, it would take a long hot shower and few hours sleep for him to be back to his normal self.

"You think this CSI will have anything for us" Nick asked as Greg shrugged "don't know… wait until they get here. But I doubt it" Greg declared receiving a concerned look from Nick.

There had been a time when Greg would have been overexcited at working with another CSI from a different state but the years had changed him had changed them all.

"We'll get the sick bastard" Nick assured as Greg smiled slightly as the lab came into view "I hope so… for those girls I hope we do" Greg agreed as nick pulled into the lab's car park and studied his friend.

Nick had often wondered what Sara had written to Greg, Nick had ribbed Greg for becoming too emotionally involved in cases but he found as the years went on that it was the best way for Greg to work.

Greg had the added benefit of knowing when to call it a day and start things afresh something Nick wished he could adapt to his own behaviour. But his mother had called him stubborn as a maul and it seemed it was true.

As the pair made their way to the lab Greg's cell shrilled in it's place on his belt and shifting evidence in his hands he quickly answered it.

"Sanders" Nick watched as Greg's face quickly lit up and a smile graced his lips "bye" he quickly hung up and Nick couldn't help but smile back at the younger CSI.

"what's up" Nick questioned as Greg shook his head and carried on to the lab "nothing… nothing" Greg quickly lost his smile before looking at nick over his shoulder.

"she's coming home" Greg offered leaving Nick to wonder what Greg was talking about, but feeling the evidence weight heavy in his hands he knew he would have to ask the CSI later.

* * *

I hope you will all like this chapter... I know I said I was going to focus on Sara coming back but I needed to set the plot on how she was going to make sure everyone was following her words. 


	4. Reuniting

Chapter three

It hadn't been the easiest of flights… it had been smooth flying all the way but by the time the lights of Vegas found her eyes she knew that nothing from here on out was going to be easy.

The stewardess attempted to comfort her and even offered her a drink to clam her nerves when her nails dug into the armrest. She had declined that offer… knowing full well that was one way not to sooth her nerves.

The nerves only clamped more throughout her body when the wheels finally touched the ground, she knew it was going to be a bumpy ride.

She was going to catch him now… she had too but worse then that she was going to have to lay some more ghosts to rest.

Weaving her way through the crowds she had been informed that Jim Brass would be meeting her personally, she didn't have to search for him she knew him the moment she spotted him.

Even though she bit back the laugh when she saw him standing there with a board simply saying CSI San Fran. It was the only favour she was going to call in with her bosses back in San Francisco, not to tell them who they were getting.

Sighing she made way towards the older man and smiled brightly upon seeing him do a double take, things were not going to be easy, but standing there in the heat of Las Vegas the familiar sounds, smells and sights she knew only one thing.

Sara Sidle was home.

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Jim cleared his throat once more causing Sara to smile a little, the past twenty minutes had been the same. After exchanging the greetings then a few words about their respective weather silence had descended among them with Jim clearing his throat with an attempt to say something but never quiet making the words spill forward.

Sara took to staring out the window watching the world that had become home to her years ago unfold before her. If her serial was here she would find him, this was her turf and she was going to make sure he understood that.

"So" Sara snapped her head back to Jim watching him attempt to string his words together "you never had a problem talking to me before" Sara offered lightly gaining a chuckle from the man beside her.

She was glad to see his shoulders relax and a small smile to lift the corner of his lips "San Francisco… how long have you been working there" Jim asked as Sara took a deep breath and relaxed into her chair.

"Six years now… I didn't even know what I wanted to do once I left here. I took a job as a consultant in Boston but I missed the heat so I moved back to San Francisco where the crime lab needed a new lab tech" Sara admitted as Jim nodded listening to her.

"I became a full CSI five years ago… Keely and Jane are just two more girls in a long list this guy has been targeting" Sara told him as he nodded again only this time he threw a glance her way. She couldn't help the swell in her heart when she saw concern in his eyes… it was for her. At least she could still count on a few things remaining the same.

"We're going to catch this guy Sara… he isn't going to get away with it" Jim assured as Sara looked back to the Vegas lights and sighed.

"I know we will… the best CSI's are going to be work on this" Sara muttered not needing to look at Jim to know he was smiling proudly.

The night shift wasn't starting for another five hours and as dedicated as her team was she knew that they would try to catch up on a few hours sleep.

That was how she found her self sitting in the break room of LVPD once more twisting the coffee cup in her hands.

She tried hard not to look at the table where she knew her letters had been left waiting for her team and family. She had only guessed at what their reactions were at first but true to her word she had been watching over them in her own way and knew that for the most part they had followed her instructions.

Sara couldn't help but smile when she remembered hearing the announcement that Grissom and Catherine were tying the knot. It seemed like a life time ago when she had agreed to marry Grissom… she treasured that day despite she had known deep down even then that she wasn't going to stay.

She had missed out on a lot, she regretted those years but she knew she could never have them back and as much as it pained her she knew it was for the best.

Her family wouldn't have gotten to where they were if she hadn't left, in her way Sara had shown them that life needed to move on.

"Thank god someone has the sense to make good coffee" Warrick declared loudly as he made his way over to the coffee pot where Sara had used Greg's stash to try and clam her nerves. Having the familiar should have been enough and it was until she was confronted by a ghost.

"And it's Greg's damn your good" Warrick threw over his shoulder not quiet aware of whom he was speaking to. Sara sat there in silence watching her old team mate as he busied himself with his coffee, he looked good for a father of two.

The years had been good to Warrick Brown and Sara was happy to find that out in person.

"Greg is going to throw a hissy fit you know th-" the words trailed away from Warrick's lips as he finally took in the brown haired woman sitting on the sofa smiling timidly up at him.

"Sara" he questioned unsure if saying it any louder would break the dream, it had been years since he finally understood that he was never going to see Sara sitting there again.

"I think Greg might understand… what with special situations" Sara offered as placed her coffee cup down and standing offering him the full blown Sara grin.

It seemed it was that that snapped Warrick from his thoughts and he quickly forgot his coffee and strode across the room engulfing Sara in a bear hug. Sara chuckled as Warrick all but lifted her from the ground.

"Sara… baby girl you're the best sight a guy could have" Warrick exclaimed with a laugh caught in his throat along with a lump as tears formed in his eyes.

After a few moments Warrick unwillingly let go of her but gripped her forearms tightly to make sure she wasn't going to leave his sight anytime soon.

"What are you doing here… are you coming back to work… are you coming back to Vegas… are you staying here" the questions all but melded together and Sara laughed before pulling an arm free and silencing Warrick.

"slow down there big guy… I know you like your answers but even you have to give someone a chance to answer" Sara teased as Warrick grinned at her still unable to believe that she was there in the flesh and blood.

"I'm San Francisco CSI, so technically I am back at work" Sara opted to avoid the last two questions she could only deal with so much at this point.

"oh… so it was just Vegas you had to leave then" Warrick questioned as Sara lowered her gaze and managed to pull her self from Warrick's grip and cleared her throat.

"I hear that someone's a daddy now" Sara pointed out hoping the change of subject would make the difference and by the way Warrick's face lit up she knew it had.

"Abby and Luke Brown… I'm a proud papa alright" and with that he produced a wallet packed full of pictures of two young children both grinning large smiles like their father.

"Cute… they take after their mother I take it" Sara questioned as Warrick chuckled and nodded "yeah they have their momma's looks" Warrick stated before more footsteps where heard.

"Greg won't be happy that you've started on his coffee and he's not here" Grissom's voice was enough to root the pair the floor. He only glanced towards Warrick quickly letting his eyes fall back to his case file. Warrick looked at Sara and reaching out his squeezed her hand and stood beside her knowing that some things were better taking on head first.

"Hey Gris… the CSI turned up from San Fran" Warrick declared as the older CSI nodded not even looking up from his file.

"I know Jim said he was going to meet them, they arrived a few hours ago no doubt getting some sleep before shift starts" Grissom declared as he readied himself a cup of coffee leaving Sara to smirk.

"So I was wondering if you've brought up the bug man priest to Catherine yet" Sara declared causing Grissom to stop in his tracks before he turned and stared at the woman.

"He did and nearly had to spend a whole week on my sofa before they finished the spare room" Warrick offered as Grissom continued to stare at Sara who held a tint of redness to her cheeks.

"Sara" he questioned softly his eyes searching her face to make sure very much like Warrick that he wasn't dreaming.

"Hey Grissom heard you needed me… though the last time I was called out to Vegas you were throwing dummies from a roof" Sara pointed out hoping that things hadn't change enough that Grissom wouldn't remember the better times.

"Sara" he muttered again before he put his file and coffee down and quickly made his way across the room and engulfed Sara in a hug that threatened to close off her air supply.

Smiling Sara couldn't quiet ignore the feeling of being Grissom's arms once more despite the fact that it was at her own bidding that he was now truly finding happiness. For the few seconds she allowed her memory to over whelm her she let the feeling sink back in before a squeal pushed pair apart before a fluffy of blonde hair whirled towards Sara and she was nearly knocked back into the sofa as Catherine engulfed her.

"A girls gotta breath here" Sara protested as Catherine both laughed and cried into the younger woman's shoulder.

Slowly and with some hesitation Catherine pulled back not even bothering to wipe the tears away as she studied Sara.

"Your really here… I couldn't believe it, I heard you voice… your really here" Catherine exclaimed causing Sara to smile at her.

"And San Francisco I thought we taught you better… you want to be a CSI then you should have come back home" Catherine scolded finding her way to Grissom's side and sliding her arm around his waist in a comfortable way that didn't go unnoticed by Sara who for a spilt second lost her smile but quickly regained it.

It had been worth it all just to see them happy, she could be happy now knowing that they had taken her advice.

"Right you know what… Sara next time you offer a hiding place for my coffee I will not take your advice" Greg fumed as he stormed into the break room and snatched the pot of coffee up.

"Not cheap stuff and if you all insist on using it then you chip in… you as well Sara, you owe me back payments" Greg exclaimed despite the smile that was engulfing his face.

Sara couldn't help but laugh as three sets of jaws dropped open while Greg shrugged and poured himself a cup of coffee.

"What" Greg questioned as Catherine shook her head and narrowed her eyes "how did you know Sara was here… I know for a fact if you had found before us we would all be getting a squealing Greg Sanders on the phone" Catherine pointed out as Greg narrowed his eyes.

"I do not squeal" "yes you do… two Christmas's ago you squealed down the phone" Sara pointed out as Greg thought for a second before he blushed and ducked his head.

"There was a reason for that and you know what… anyway shall we get back to the matter at hand, Sara is back and we have a case to solve" Greg pointed out attempting to rid himself of the blush creeping up his neck.

"Thanks Sanders" Sara drawled with a mock glare while Greg beamed at her "always welcomed Sidle" Greg retorted before he walked over to the group.

"Its like we have the old team back" Greg admitted before everyone glanced towards him then each other leaving Sara to look between them all.

She knew this was when the real bumps started there was some ghosts that never left you.

* * *

four reviews already and we haven't even gotten started... this is just a taste of whats to come for the team. 


	5. Cowboys and sunshines

Chapter Four

_Seven years and nine months previous _

_Nick had watched Catherine take off after reading her letter, Greg had fallen silent and struggled to release his own letter from it's envelope. Nick could only watch as Warrick and Grissom struggled to read their own letters. _

_He didn't have the energy to question what was said in those letters, he allowed his eyes to skim the page resting in his hands but the moment his eyes landed on his own name he knew he couldn't do it… he couldn't read the letter penned by one of his best friends. _

_Greg let his emotions out while Grissom folded his letter back up and quietly left the room, Warrick sat staring at the ground his jaw set. Nick stood and made his way out of the break room and quickly feeling his stomach lurch raced towards the entrance letting the fresh air hit him like a sledge hammer. _

_It took a few moments to control his breathing, he still clutched the letter in his hand while he pushed the tears back. Reaching blindly in his pocket he dragged out his car keys and managed to slip into the driver seat before his knees buckled. _

_He wasn't sure how long he had sat there behind the wheel with his head leaning against the cool steering wheel trying to understand why even after three months Sara could have this effect on him with just a letter. _

_He remembered clearly the moment Grissom told them all that Sara wasn't coming back, it was what she wanted. Nick tried his best to convince Grissom that maybe he was the only to get her to come back… because he knew that he wanted to be strong enough to bring her back. _

_Groaning Nick pushed himself back and studied the letter, what had cut him up the most was the fact that she didn't say goodbye. _

_If he was being truthful he understood the need to get away… from everything but he couldn't just leave his friends his family without a word of goodbye. _

_Clenching his jaw he lifted the letter wondering if this was her goodbye… if it was then she really was gone and Nick didn't know if he had it in him to pull himself back together. _

'_Nick_

_I tried my hardest not to imagine you as I write this… the hardest letter I ever thought I had to write was to Grissom. And for a while it was it still haunted me to the day I wrote this. _

_But here now, writing these words just trying to make you understand I know that this is the hardest thing I will have to do. _

_I was a coward in not saying goodbye to you and I feel even more a coward for writing this to you because of everyone there… I miss you the most. _

_The first month was heart breaking, I knew you were all there just waiting for the call… anything from me but I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it because firstly of Grissom… he made me fall into patterns that I knew I would never escape from. _

_But I figured most of it out now Nicky… I've made decisions and I wanted to tell you all about them. I wanted to call you so many times, I would have to drag my hand back from the phone each and every time. _

_I wish I could say I hope you never know what it feels like to want to reach out to someone and know you can't. _

_I know you Nicky, I know you wanted to reach out but you had no idea where I was… I regret that more then anything. Because I know now that if you had reached out for me I would have come running back and that scares me. _

_Only you cowboy could really make me feel like that… I pretended to myself, I told myself that Grissom had that power… he did but not like you. I had to go back to Grissom it was something that I had been doing for so long. _

_I wanted to go back to you… and you made me feel like that. Your bravery and kindness after everything that ever happened. _

_I know about what happened when you were nine… don't hate Catherine for that, please… I needed to know just something more about you. _

_While you were buried I cried… I cried for you and it hurt Catherine only proved to me that you were strong and that you could survive anything. _

_I know it isn't fair… for me to know something like that when I pushed you away so many times. I know I did, I kept you all at arms length for so long that it weakened me. _

_These will be some of the hardest words I ever write… my father beat and abused my mother and when I was nine years old my mother took a knife and stabbed my father. She killed him in front of me and she showed no remorse for her actions. _

_I don't want you to feel sorry for me Nicky… the past is the past I learnt that the hard way. _

_Natalie is in the past and I know I have only my future to look forward to… I'm sure it would be something you would say to me. _

_It's taken me three long and hard months to understand it all… to make my decisions. I can't return to Vegas, not for a long time and it breaks my heart with every beat because I know I won't see you but I need you to do something for me. _

_I need you to listen to what I'm asking you to do, I need you to do it._

_You told me your mothers goal in life was to make sure you found someone to love and to settle down (I spoke to your mother… she had some interesting ideas on how a Texas man should be acting) I need you to do that Nick. _

_For you to be happy I need you to let go of the past and just focus on the future… I need you to love and to let someone love you back. _

_I need you to understand how easy it is to love someone with your whole heart… love isn't this dark thing… it isn't obsessing over something you delude your self into believing you wanted. _

_I know love isn't any of those things because of you Nick… you proved to me that loving someone is easy, you made it easy for me to love you and not even know it. _

_I have many regrets about what I did… how I left, I regret never telling you that I loved you and I probably always will. _

_Grissom was my first true love… but you cowboy, well you were there to stay. _

_Nicky please let go of things you can't change and hold on to the things that you can. _

_Always _

_S. Sidle'_

_Nick stared as long as he could at the last few lines of Sara's letter until his vision blurred with tears, he didn't know when the letter slipped from his grips or when the tears finally fell but when they did he couldn't hold the hurt back. _

_If she thought loving him was easy they what was loving her… it was beyond easy it was natural. He had always loved Sara, but he had kept a check on his feelings. For fear of being rejected, fear of losing his best friend. But most of all fear of losing Sara. _

_But he already had, she was gone and he knew that she wasn't going to come back and even if he did reach out for her and found her he knew that the fear of what happened to you of becoming someone that scared you was too much to ever come back. _

_Leaning his forehead against the steering wheel once more Nick let the sobs out… he let everything out, the pain of his past… the pain of losing victims… getting to close… the pain of never admitting what you truly felt. _

_He let it all out promising Sara that he would do what she asked of him, if it was the last thing he could ever do for her then he would. _

_Because he wanted to do it… because he would always do it… because it was for Sara. _

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSCSI

Present day

Nick made his way to the break room trying to ready himself for the new CSI, that he had a problem with the CSI… that wasn't it. It was the fact that they all had become protective over their lab and since Ronnie left the team a year after Sara's departure it had just become accepted that the graveyard shift worked better untouched.

Nick yawned as he rounded a corner he had stayed up later then he should have but he couldn't help but go over everything.

Though he was sure he had his fair share of coffee already the smell of Greg's coffee was enough to make him drawl… it was going to be a long enough shift trying to make sure he didn't tread on the new CSI's toes without having to stay up.

Smiling he heard a squeal somewhere ahead of him and he simply shook his head guessing that someone had made a break through on their own case. Covering the yawn once more he was glad to hear his team had already began work as he heard their voice filter out from the break room.

"evening folks… has the new CSI turned up or are they still sleeping of the affects of the time differences" Nick questioned noted the team huddled around the sofa, he barely even noticed the hush that fell on his team mates.

"Nick" Warrick called as Nick poured himself a liberal amount of the coffee grabbing the cream and sugar "I know… I've got a babysitting date with Abby and Luke, but you said it yourself Luke barely lets you leave for work" Nick threw over his shoulder with a chuckle, it wasn't like he was trying to get out of baby sitting his god daughter and son but he couldn't even face that just yet not with case still fresh.

He would see those girls faces every time he heard the kids laugh and it was too much.

"Hey cowboy" the familiar voice almost made Nick drop his coffee cup, clenching his jaw he fought the images that surged into his mind. Only one person called him cowboy… it seemed that the rest of the team refused to use that name after Sara left as though it belonged to her alone.

"Nicky please turn round" her voice was something he had been aching for but to see her was something that banged at his waking mind and taunted him during his sleeping mind. Placing his coffee down he slowly turned expecting the alarm clock to sound out any moment now and to wake up knowing she had made his decision.

But no alarm rang out and he didn't wake up, there squeezed between Catherine and Warrick was his sunshine. She smiled her famous smile for him folding her arms attempting to make herself smaller.

"Sara" he questioned he could see she wanted to roll her eyes, no doubt the rest of the team had reacted the same way upon seeing her.

But he said nothing more after that just drinking in the sight of her, he had missed her for far too long… he had ached for her for far too long he wouldn't rush in he needed to remind himself of the up close Sara instead of the dreams he had clung to.

"She's the CSI from San Francisco" Greg declared gaining a glare from his fellow CSI's while Nick stared at Sara swallowing the hard lump forming in his throat.

He wanted believe that she had come back, she was finally home… he would take her advice if that was true, if she was home then he would think about making his home. But she wasn't staying… she hadn't even come back for them she was back because of work and the moment they found the killer she would leave again.

"Great… I have to finish processing the clothes" Nick ground out flashing his eyes at Sara one last time before he walked out of the room leaving his team mates to stare after him and Sara to stare at the spot where he had been standing.

* * *

So here it is... a few people have been pointing out that Nick has been lacking a little for the pervious chapters so this is a whole chapter to him and his letter... don't worry there will be more on the reaction to Sara's return and what Sara really meant in her letter to him. Plus we have the Grillows wedding come up... will a bug man really marry Grissom and Catherine. 


	6. Assuming

Chapter five

Sara wasn't sure how she expected the team to react to her return… she had guessed that they would be happy and for the most part they were. She was happy that they could embrace her like the missing friend she had become.

Though what had shocked her was Nick's reaction… or his lack of reaction. She had told her self that she would endure what ever he threw at her, the anger the accusations and even the disappointment of not telling him sooner what she felt but she never expected the cold reaction.

Like it wasn't even affecting him… she pushed the tears back at she watched Doc Robins commence his autopsy of Keely Appleton. She had wanted to track Nick down after he fled the break room, just to ask if he had truly moved on without her.

But she was too scared that the answer would be he had and she was no longer apart of his life, she was in his past and no matter how much she tried to catch up she would never reach him again.

"she was strangled" Robins voice cut through Sara's thoughts and she snapped her head up to see him scrutinizing her just like Grissom and Catherine who stood beside her.

"um yeah… like the seven other victims, they were strangled then stabbed. If it is my guy then you will find sexual assault before and after death" Sara pointed out feeling Catherine shudder rather then seeing it.

She had done the same thing when she saw the first victim and had learned that little fact, but the difference was that she didn't have anyone standing beside her with a hand pressed against her lower back. Sara looked away quickly when she saw this action between Catherine and Grissom.

Things had changed, Catherine didn't even note the presences of Grissom's hand against her back… either she didn't want to cause a scene or he had done this more then once, Sara gulped the hard lump down.

Knowing this was what she asked for it was still a lot harder to deal with in person then it was when she spoke to Greg for updates.

"I'll get a kit and test that… but I did find tearing which supports that theory" Robins admitted as Sara nodded before looking down at the young girl. Her face was so similar to the seven other girls who had been taken and murdered they all seemed liked one person to Sara now… no matter how much she reminded herself that each victim was different.

"She fought back… I've found defensive cuts and bruising on her arms and hands" Robins informed them as Sara smiled slightly before softening her gaze at Keely Appleton.

"That's my girl… we might be able to get enough DNA from under her nails" Sara pointed out as she scanned the girls nails. When no one replied Sara lifted her head to see the three other people all watching her with small smiles gracing their lips.

"It's good to have you back Sara" Robins offered causing Sara to straighten and clear her throat hiding the blush. She didn't really have any idea how much she was going to be missed, never this much… not enough for doc Robins to admit it was good to have her back.

"It's routine… nothing you haven't seen before" Sara pointed out as Robins cleared his throat and looked down at the body.

"Well here's something I haven't really seen before… in her ear cannel I found a dirt like substance, I thought it was mud or something but when I pulled it out I found it be more like clay or putty" Robins informed them as he handed them a tube of dark grey lump.

"I'll have Greg process it… he was always good with the messy side of things" Catherine admitted as she took the bag.

"I sent some of her blood to tox" Robins admitted but Sara shook her head "you won't find anything… however he was keeping these girls it wasn't with drugs" Sara informed them as Grissom nodded and thought.

"So we can assume that the suspect is strong" Grissom offered as Sara smirked at him "I thought we should never assume anything" Sara offered gaining a smirk from Catherine as she gave Grissom a pointed look while Grissom blushed and looked at the body.

"But yeah we can say it's safe to assume this guy is strong… he didn't even fumble in taking the girls, when it happened he snatched them without letting them get a chance to scream. He's smart too… at least he was, he knew when and where to capture the girls" Sara added as Catherine frowned.

"What do you mean at least he was" Catherine asked as Sara looked at her "well he came here… dumb move on his account. The profiler said he knew San Francisco like the back of his hand… he was sticking to the familiar, he never left anything behind after dumping the victims but this time he did and he left two bodies… when two murders over lapped we would always find one body and two days later we find a second one" Sara informed them as Catherine and Grissom took note of these facts.

"So he stumbled… he assumed a new game when he came here" Grissom offered as Sara smiled and nodded "yeah and when you assume things go wrong quickly, he had no idea that when he came here he was entering my turf" Sara declared before Catherine smiled at her, making Sara realise her choice of words.

"Then I shouldn't be looking at any more girls laying on my table because of this guy" Robins declared as Sara gave him a look. She wished she could promise him that… but this guy was good and even though he was now dealing with people who he couldn't outsmart she knew this guy was only getting started.

"One thing at a time doc… we need to figure his game plan out" Grissom told the older man firmly knowing that none of them could promise that.

" what about Jane Combs" Catherine asked as Robins glanced to the bank of draws and sighed "same COD as Keely here… there wasn't much tissue left for me to use the kit on but I can tell you I found more of the mud on her. I've bad that too" Robins told them as he handed another bag to Catherine who nodded.

Before anyone else could ask another question a shrill beeping echoed around the room and Sara quickly grabbed her cell and checked the ID before looking to the three other people.

"It's fine… take your call" Grissom assured as Sara smiled before dashing from the room quickly answering the cell.

"How long is she staying" Robins questioned once the door shut firmly behind Sara causing the couple to stare at him.

"Your CSI's I know that question has been running through your mind" Robins offered as Grissom and Catherine glanced to each other and knew it was the truth before they looked back to the older man.

"We're not sure… she is here to help on the case, once we capture the murderer we have no idea as to what will happen" Grissom informed as Catherine folded her arms with a firm look across her face.

"Well she's staying if I have anything to do with it" Catherine admitted before Grissom gave her a look.

"Cath we can't strong arm her into staying… she left because she couldn't deal with Vegas anymore we can't assume that everything is better now" Grissom attempted to scold Catherine but the hope was already surging up in him.

He knew that he loved Sara… he always had and always would but Catherine was his life now, she had made leaving the lab that more easier. She had made sure the nights were no longer a scary place for him and she had given him a new home one he never thought he could have.

But it was all thanks to Sara, he would never have Catherine and Lindsey in his life if it hadn't been for her letters. He would always love Sara but he couldn't keep that love alive, not the way he could for Catherine and that hurt him.

"Gil Grissom… how long have you known me for" Catherine levelled as Robins chuckled and shook his head.

"I think we've all known you long enough to know that if you want someone to stay they best have some where to settle" Robins answered causing Grissom to shake his head and smile.

Eight years ago he didn't have the courage nor the strength to go after Sara to bring her back… but Catherine did, she had enough of both to keep Sara from leaving again. And for that he would be thankful.

"Anything else" Catherine asked bringing Grissom back before he saw the door beginning to open again and Sara re enter.

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

_Seven years and nine months previous _

_Grissom knew the feeling well… it was the ache in his chest, the shortness of breath, the knotting of his stomach. This is what a heart breaking felt like. _

_He didn't dare go after Catherine once she fled, what ever Sara had told the older woman was personal and obvious private. _

_Grissom studied Greg as he read his own letter watching the rage of emotions playing across his face, the CSI in Grissom wanted to ask what was written but the grieving man knew that Sara didn't open up often and when she did it was something you treasured. _

_Grissom had only been slightly aware of Nick stalking out of the break room… by then he had his own letter open. _

_The moment he saw her handwriting the emotions that he felt the night she left hit him firmly. _

'_Gil_

_What can I say to you that I haven't already said. I meant every word I wrote that night I left, I do love you and my heart was breaking. _

_For a long time I didn't think I would make it through the night without you there to hold me… but even then I knew I couldn't let you see me fall apart. _

_I had this stupid notion that I had to be strong for you… for us. I couldn't be the victim because I thought that your opinion of me and your love for me would change and I couldn't handle that. _

_But we both know that he had changed long before the night I left. There was no where else our relationship could go other then being together, our friendship wasn't easy… it was something we-- I built on lies and deluded ideals. _

_I wanted you… I truly did, I loved you but I was looking for a comfort and security from you that wasn't healthy. I never regretted lying to you because for those few months I was happy… but you were right, always right. _

_I was calling for help… and you were the easiest path for that, I wanted you partly because you were older and that was something I thought I needed. _

_I needed a guiding hand and you provided it but we were both too confused on how you were meant to do that. _

_I needed you to be my friend but I wanted you as a lover… something I would never regret. _

_It's strange writing this because I know that I will always love you… my heart is breaking because you were my first true love. _

_In these past three months I had enough distance to understand that it wasn't healthy… I've been sinking for so long now Grissom… you held me up for as long as you could but you were slipping along with me. _

_I've come to some conclusions… so many in fact. I haven't stopped loving you Gil… I never will but I know that you deserve to be happy and I know that you could never have done that with me… I wish that was a lie but it isn't. _

_After Natalie… what happened to me, I was sinking faster and you couldn't save me. Please don't blame yourself… as good as you are you couldn't save me. _

_I left because I thought it was what was good for me… but now I know I left because it was the best for you. I know you loved me and for a long time you won't believe me. _

_For that I love you but I must ask you to do something for me Gil… I need you to move on, I need you to understand. You have the evidence and you know that it never lies. _

_You trust in evidence even when you don't want to… sometimes more then people. _

_Do that now… look at everything we've been through, and admit that we would never have been happy. _

_I would have married you… and I would have been happy, I know that Gil… I never doubt that. _

_But I would have self destruct and I would have loved and hated you for seeing that. _

_Gil you will find love with someone who will make you whole… you already know her, the evidence is there. Process it and you see the one woman who has always been there… not just agreeing with you because she wants to be with you. _

_Catherine's love for you isn't like mine… I worshipped you for so long that it became my love for you… but Catherine's love for you comes from a place that has always seen you clearly. _

_I know you won't understand this now… but you will do because it's who you are. _

_My love for you will always be there, _

_Sara' _

_Grissom folded the letter slowly allowing the words to settle in, looking to Warrick and Greg he saw that Sara's words had affected them too. Walking out of the room silently Grissom didn't even bother with assignments just yet, he couldn't face anything else but what Sara had told him. _

_Had she already gotten over him… no she still loved him, she had just had enough time to review everything away from the scene of the crime. _

_Sighing Grissom shut himself away in his office and slipped into his chair… he would do anything for her. But his broken heart wasn't ready for this… it wasn't ready to let go of her. _

_A knock at the door and the arrival of Catherine didn't help when Sara's instructions flooded his mind, looking at the crying blonde woman Grissom couldn't stop the urge to hold her. He engulfed her in his arms and soothed her as best as his broken heart would allow him. _

"_She's gone Gil… she's really gone" Catherine's sobs pushed more evidence his way… he wasn't willing to face the truth not yet… not ever but there it was sobbing in his arms. _

_If Sara was ever going to come back… if she was ever going to repair his heart she would never have asked him to move on. _

_She would never have asked him to follow the evidence… Sara had left and she had expected him to be the CSI he was. _

_And he couldn't stop it… he couldn't stop being the CSI… and Sara had known that._

_

* * *

_

there will be more nick next chapter i swear... but I wanted the Grissom letter out of the way. And to warn you now... there will be two surprises from the team in the following chapters and we find out why Greg sqeualed down the phone to Sara.


	7. Reasons why

Chapter six 

_Seven years and nine months previous_

_Warrick sat there just getting the nerve to even dare open the letter laying in his hands. He knew the others weren't taking it well… Catherine looked so broken when she fled the room, Greg just slumped into the sofa while Nick followed after Catherine and Warrick didn't want to guess what his friend was told. _

_Grissom was the only one who seemed unaffected by his letter… hopefully Sara had just tried to explain to him why she had to leave. _

'_Warrick, _

_To say we got off on the wrong foot would be an understatement. Because of your problems Holly Gibbs died… alone. _

_I've come to believe that when it's your time to go then you have to go and for some unknown reason it was Holly's time, the only thing I ever hated you for Warrick was because she had to die alone. _

_But I know that you to had to go through everything alone too… the team offered you support just like they were meant to but you still had to do it all alone and for that I'm sorry. _

_I judged you… coming to Vegas I found people who were not what I thought CSI's should be and I thought you couldn't do the job. I'm glad now that you proved me wrong, I saw your passion and your need to help people. _

_I love you for that Warrick… you will never know how much I needed to be proven wrong and you did that. _

_Out of everyone you and Nick were my first true friends in Vegas… thank you for that. You saw past my pretence of trying to be strong and you called me on it so many times. Sadly though I know we grew apart my last few months in Vegas… it wasn't your fault, you wanted me to be happy but I kept you at arms length. _

_And because of that I missed your wedding… I know you didn't invite anyone but I would have loved to have been there. I wish I could say it was to cheer you on but the truth is I would have been the voice of doubt. _

_Please forgive me I know you have tried to prove us all wrong that your marriage is strong but we both know that this marriage isn't going to last. It isn't because you don't have love… I know you can love with your whole heart but she isn't the woman you are meant to be with. _

_I've had enough time to think everything over and during this thinking I've seen your future… all of yours future. _

_And I've seen your happiness and I know how you can get that happiness… you have to follow my instructions. _

_Catherine told me… don't hate her… I know about the divorce, don't fight it Warrick just let her go. _

_You will find that love and I know that from time to time you think it will be Catherine it won't be… I know you love Catherine but the pair of you… it won't work and you will hate yourself for what will be said. _

_That's why you someone outside this world… outside of CSI. Even though it would be so much easier for you to find someone who understood who had seen what we've seen but it won't. They couldn't show you what is worth fighting for… beyond the death. Life… they will show you that you have to fight the darkness and the death for life. _

_Don't give up Warrick you will make someone truly happy and you will make the best father any child could ask for. _

_I wish I could be there to see it when it happens but not matter what I will know and I will celebrate for you when you find her and when you hold your children in your arms. _

_All my love Brown _

_S. Sidle' _

_Warrick clenched his jaw and stared hard at the floor… he couldn't hate either Sara nor Catherine for what they knew. It was true though he was still fighting the divorce that Tina had filed… some part of him wanted to try… to gamble on it working this time. _

_He wanted to laugh he shouldn't be surprised by what Sara had written by what she had seen because she was a CSI and a damn good one at that. _

_He wished too… he never told her that he was glad it was her that called him on the Holly murder… he needed Sara's kick in the pants to sort out his life. _

_Sara had been among on e of the strongest forces in his life… she had helped him in her own way but now… now he would have to do this alone, he would have to admit that he had gambled on his love life. He hoped he could do her justice and find someone to make his life that bit better. _

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

Present day

Warrick studied the hunched form of his best friend and couldn't hold the sigh in, he had known how deep Nick's feelings for Sara was long before the Texan ever did.

But he played along didn't interfere… at first it was because he didn't trust Sara, she had been called in to judge him because of his part in Holly's death.

Over the years he came to accept that it wasn't his fault that Holly died but after Sara's letter the guilt grew over the fact that it was his fault that Holly was left to die alone.

But as his trust grew for Sara he couldn't step in because Nick had made it clear that his relationship with Sara was just friendship similar to his friendship with Warrick.

Warrick knew that if he had followed his gut and pushed Nick he knew that Sara wouldn't have had a chance to turn to Grissom she would have been offered the full Texan charm and Warrick knew no woman could resist it.

It wouldn't have matter how much she obsessed over Grissom Nick would have made it his mission to prove that he was the best for her. And looking back Warrick knew Nick was the only one beside himself that would and could get through to Sara.

Grissom shielded Sara in his own way, he comforted her and protected her from the mean world… Warrick knew that Nick would have stood beside her-- he would protected her but he would faced the world with her instead of for her.

"Something I can help you with man" Nick's voice brought Warrick back and he offered the other man a smile.

"Yeah… what you got on the clothes… Cath's got something from the bodies and rushed it over to Greg to use his special touch" Warrick informed him causing Nick to chuckle and shake his head but his smile was one that never made it to his eyes.

Warrick had noted that over the years Nick stopped smiling like that only for the rare occasions when he seemed to have forgotten himself.

"Not much… just a few specks of a mud like substance, seeing as Greg bringing out his old lab coat I'll rush it over to him once I'm down. I've found some oil… it looks like transmission fluid but I'll get Greggo to check it out" Nick told him as he turned back to the clothes spread out before him.

"I've got wear and tear on parts of the jeans… but I can't tell if it was before or after she was taken" Nick admitted as he scrutinized the clothes once more. Warrick made his way around the table and stood staring at his best friend and godfather to his children.

Warrick had a long enough time to figure his friend out… the man hunched over the table was the closet thing he had to a brother and Warrick knew he would fight tooth and nail for him. He had in the past and he wouldn't stop.

But if he had the chance he would have fought for Sara too… he had gotten to know Sara just as well and he knew the tiredness in her eyes when he first spoke to her that day. She was better, she had gotten what she had left for. Peace and distance but he knew that once you were broken you could never be whole again… her only chance of that was back here.

The ghosts would remain they always would but she could have a fresh start… something to hold close when the ghosts came.

"I've got some traces in her shoes too… there wasn't much luck with Combs clothes though, they had decomposed too much" Nick added before Warrick lent on the table and nodded before he knew how he was going to word his new thoughts with out pushing Nick away.

"Your gonna have to talk to her man" Warrick declared watching as Nick stiffened and lifted his brown eyes to the other man.

"Sara I mean… your gonna have to talk to her" Warrick clarified as Nick clenched his jaw and Warrick could see the man pulling away.

"I know who you meant… I will" Nick declared before he stood up and glared at him "she's working the case… I have to talk to her" Nick snapped as Warrick sighed and shook his head.

"I meant about everything else apart from the case Nick… I know what ever she wrote hit you hard, it hit us all hard" Warrick offered as Nick shook his head and glared even more at Warrick.

"What she wrote was lies… you and Megan was going to happen she didn't have to been a fortune teller to know that" Nick snapped as Warrick looked down. He had told Nick about part of his letter, he had to tell someone once the divorce was over and Catherine and Grissom finally moved on.

But he never told a soul about what Sara wrote about him and Catherine… and how they would never have worked and how they would end up regretting it if they ever did tried.

"She was right Nick… she was right about me and Catherine" Warrick slowly and quietly told him causing Nick to furrow his brow.

"I was pissed when Cath and Grissom got together… I thought I wanted Catherine, convinced myself I did, that's partly me and Tina never worked. But Sara was right, she showed me that when I saw how happy Catherine and Grissom really made each other me and her would never have had that.

Megan was the best thing that ever happened to me and Sara called that" Warrick explained as Nick looked away, his jaw clenching and unclenching.

Nick had been broken too a long time ago and watching him now Warrick wondered if he was too broken to ever be put back together.

"She left Warrick… what she wrote were made lies the moment she did that. She left the team, the lab, she left Vegas" "she left you" Warrick offered as Nick snapped his eyes back to him. Warrick sighed when he saw the dead look in his friends eyes… he knew that Nick was fighting, fighting the old feelings he had and the nightmares he had when he thought about Sara leaving.

"She wasn't mine" Nick told him as Warrick cocked an eyebrow and studied Nick again.

"But you were hers… and she left you behind" Warrick declared as Nick flickered his eyes away before letting out a deep breath snatching the evidence bags up "I'm getting these processed… help me out by putting this stuff away" Nick ordered as he stalked out of the room leaving Warrick to groan and throw his head back.

Nick was a fighter… but he had been broken so it meant he had to fight a little more then he did before. Warrick could only hope that Nick had it in him to understand that he could fight now and probably win.

* * *

Nick knew the tears were fighting their way to his eyes but he wouldn't give them ground he couldn't because then Sara would have won in some way. He hadn't moved on… he couldn't love again, for the longest time he was sure she had cursed him.

She had made sure that her leaving words were enough to make him stand still and never move again, she had loved him-- he wasn't even sure if she still did but she didn't even try and find her way back to carry on loving him.

She hadn't even given him the chance to find her and love her… Nick had loved her for so long that he would have fought, he would have changed everything for her.

Nick wove his way back to Greg's old lab, burying himself in the case holding back the feelings was enough to get him through the night… until he could be alone and away from Sara and everything that reminded him of her to try and build the walls back up.

But he stopped when he heard the voices… he heard her voice and no matter how much he used to joke about it, her voice was like a ray of sunshine. She had a way of brightening the darkness giving him a way to find his way out.

"Their big" Greg declared as his and Sara stood huddled around a table, Nick stopped at the door way and allowed his mind to run away with him for a moment. This could have been a scene from many years ago.

He would have smiled upon finding the pair, teased them both over Greg's flirting and Sara's unknown attraction to Nick. He would pretend to steal her away from Greg and he would make her pout and pretend to be angry at him… at least until they stepped out of the lab and the laughs burst out of her.

"They just seem to spurt upwards everyday, Eric is getting to be a lot like you… I have to drag him out of what ever mess he's in the middle of nearly everyday. It's the scientist in him he claims" Sara's gentle voice did what it did best to Nick. It made him relax it was something he could never fight and as much as he hated it he never would fight it.

"Hey my godson is following in some big footsteps" Greg declared as Sara chuckled and nudged Greg "the moment he tints his hair and spikes it I'm hunting you down Sanders" Sara warned playfully causing Greg to throw his arms up.

However Nick was slowly piecing the words together and their meanings… he was trying hard to disbelieve them he would give everything he had to make the meaning untrue.

"What about my little princess… I sent her all those teddies bears and all I get is giggling down the line" Greg questioned as there was shuffling from before the two and Nick swallowed the cold lump in his throat.

"Addy… your princess is just that, she's demanding and she has all my male team workers wrapped around her finger not to mention the local stores manager. I can't go in there without coming home with something for her. And thanks to you Sanders she knows all this… you know what she always tells me… uncle Greg calls me a princess and he told me how they are meant to act" Sara growled as Greg ducked his head. This action proved to be the moment he spotted Nick who was standing there gapping at the pair.

"Nick" Greg exclaimed as he jumped away from Sara who spun around to gasp upon seeing him, Nick could just about hand the evidence before he spun and raced from the room. But Sara wouldn't let him leave that easy… she followed Nick knew he couldn't tell how he just knew that Sara was following him even when he stepped into the locker room.

A part of him wanted to hide but another part knew that he would have to face her if he entered the room.

"Nick" "Sara I don't want to talk ok" Nick growled as he turned away from her closing his eyes when he heard her close the door behind them.

"No it's not ok… Nick we have to talk, if not for us then for those girls… we always worked best as team and for us to do that is to know where we stand. If you run away then we can't do that… you don't have to talk but you do have to listen" Sara ordered as Nick whirled around and glared at her.

"You don't get to talk at me anymore Sar… not since you left without a goodbye" Nick snapped as Sara held her self a little taller.

"No I don't get to talk to you the same way I did because I left… I'm getting pushed away because I didn't say goodbye to you how you wanted me to" Sara snapped back glaring at him.

"I didn't want you to say goodbye… I didn't want you to leave Sara" Nick spat as Sara nodded and took a deep breath.

"I know… I really do Nick… but I had to and I'm not sorry I didn't because none of us would have what we have now if I didn't" "what you mean you having kids" Nick spat causing Sara to sigh before she sat down and stared at the floor.

"If we have nothing else to talk about Nick… if me and you can't talk anymore like we used to that's fine because we still have the job to do. But I do get to tell you about them… about my kids because I think you deserve to know about them" Sara admitted as Nick watched her.

He wanted so much just to walk out that door… to end this conversation but Sara always had the power to make him stop and he could never stop her.

"you deserve to know because I don't want them to grow up anymore not knowing their godfathers… their uncles. I need for you to be apart of their lives… even if you can't be apart of mine anymore" Sara declared as Nick swallowed hard and simply stared at her.

She looked into his eyes and saw he wasn't going anywhere just then, she at least had him long enough to explain why he was going to hopefully play a large role in her children's lives… why if by some horrible chance she couldn't be there for them they would have their godfathers there for them.

"Eric and Addy are the most wonderful five year old twins you could ever meet… that I hope you will meet" Sara admitted smiling slightly as the memories of the twins she left in San Francisco washed over her.

"What's their father like" Nick didn't want to ask but he had too… he at least had to know what the man who he had lost Sara too was like. His brow furrowed however when Sara smirked and gave him a look.

"he was a user and seller… he got so high one night and killed his wife, leaving two children crying in their cribs alone in the world" Sara informed him as Nick allowed the confusion to spread across his face.

"I worked the case Nick… I saw those two innocent children and knew I couldn't let them be bumped from home to home without anyone ever watching out for them. I made a home for them Nick… it was hard but I did it. Their parents were gone and I knew I was never going to replace them but I hoped I could make a good enough substitute for them to be happy and to be loved" Sara added as Nick let out the breath he wasn't sure he was holding and slumped onto a bench.

It was time for some ghosts to be laid to rest.

* * *

so here it is part six and the reason why Greg squealed down the phone to Sara and why Sara had to take a phone call in the last chapter. Also Warrick's letter was the last one. Hope you like. 


	8. Two little angels

Chapter seven

_Five years previous _

_Sara made her way down the SFPD nodding to those who she had come to know over the past few years in the place she had been born. _

"_Hey Sidle" a voice boomed down the corridor causing Sara to come to a stop and look at her fellow CSI Leo Tyke, his sandy blonde hair causing him problems as he pushed it back while standing beside Sara. _

"_What's up Tyke" Sara questioned knowing that if they waited much longer then assignments would have been handed out already. _

"_Me and you got a case… Harris just handed them out, she's bugging already over something so just dropped them and assigned CSI's. I guess she thought it was my week to have you tagging along" Leo admitted causing Sara to shake her head and resist the urge to swat his arm. _

_Leo had been one of the first to accept her to the small CSI team day shift, Sara learnt that Leo had become like an older brother with a pang noting the similarities between him and Warrick. _

_She had realised this when they had been out in the field and Leo would soon take a protective stance over her. At first she resented it but she found that it was just Leo's nature, he had three baby sisters who had moved away and who he missed. _

_Leo was also the only person Sara had allowed to see her cry… she had only been a CSI in San Francisco a few weeks when she broke down in the locker room. They had become fast friends after that, it was Leo's girlfriend Holly who attempted to step Sara up on blind dates. Thankfully Leo was a good enough CSI to know that Sara was still trying to get over someone and spoke to Holly on Sara's behalf. _

"_Tagging along… let me guess you spoke to the youngest sister Cassy" Sara asked as Leo sighed and nodded before the pair headed to the locker room to gather their stuff. _

"_She's seeing some musician… girl has no clue" Leo admitted gaining a chuckle from Sara "she's happy isn't that enough" Sara questioned as Leo gave her a look to which she knew meant he thought he knew better. _

"_Just grab your stuff Sidle… and wait until you have a little girl you get what I mean when I say no guy is good enough" Leo chimed as Sara rolled her eyes. _

_It had been easy chatter as they drove to the scene but it wasn't until Leo spotted something that he became silent. Leo was easy going… so much like Warrick and Nick that Sara could only guess why he had turned serious. _

"_Sidle can I ask you something" Leo asked never lifting his blue eyes from the road in front of them. Sara smirked and looked at him, she had been so thankful for finding easy banter with Leo even though it would cause her heart to yearn for what she had left. _

"_You just did" Sara smirked causing Leo to roll his eyes and give her a look before keeping his focus on the road. _

"_Don't get too smart Sidle… hurt what brain cells you have left" Leo teased as Sara settled in her seat and gave him her full attention. _

"_just ask away blue eyes" Sara ordered as Leo cleared his throat "Thanksgiving is coming up… and I was wondering" "no… last time I went your thanksgiving dinner Holly tried to set me up with her cousin and your eldest sister wouldn't stop asking me about decomp pigs" Sara declared as Leo chuckled and smiled at the memory. _

_It was her first thanksgiving in San Francisco which Leo had dragged her to his place where she met his girlfriend half her family and all of Leo's family. _

"_I already told me and Holly had a chat about that… no more might be your types" Leo assured as Sara gave a dramatic sigh. _

"_No… I was wondering if your going to be heading home… see your family, you haven't had a holiday since you started" Leo admitted as Sara sighed and looked away. Her new team had been tactful when it came to her past. _

_They had all learned fast that Sara wasn't one to open up quickly… and if it hadn't been the fact she was a good CSI they wouldn't have respected her privacy. It was a common mystery among the SFLP to wonder what had happened to Sara to make her leave the second best crime lab in the country. _

"_I am home Tyke… but I'm working I owed Delia a favour and she's finally meeting Ian's family" Sara declared as Leo sighed before flickering a nervous glance towards her. _

"_Look… don't be pissed and don't go screaming at me while I'm driving but I looked into your past" Leo winched when Sara levelled the famous Sara Glare at him. _

"_I suppose you got Georgia to help you" Sara demanded feeling the twist of nerves and fear in her stomach again. Her past was just that… the past, she hadn't always felt at ease with her decision to leave Vegas and her friends but she had come to accept she had to do it. _

_Though she made sure she didn't speak about it much… she needed people not to judge her on what had happened but on what she could do. _

"_Georgia notices things too you knw… spending all day in the lab she studies people. A few months ago when that Vegas case made headlines she noted that you just about claimed all newspapers… it got her thinking about what you were missing back there and so she got me thinking" Leo admitted as Sara closed her eyes and clenched her jaw. _

_Georgia was as Sara had found to be the female version of Greg… Sara had begun to think that all DNA lab workers lost their minds and would wear outrageous clothes and hair styles just to brighten their day. _

_Georgia also had the same curious mind Greg possessed which only made Sara miss her friends even more. _

_She wasn't trying to replace them but coming back to San Francisco Sara didn't even know she was comparing the team she was on now to the one she once had. _

"_It was an interesting case" Sara attempted to protest but the look she received from Leo she knew she hadn't convinced him. _

"_It was a night shift case Sidle… it didn't click until I looked into your file. You worked night shift back in Vegas, you had their picture stuck up in your locker… still do" Leo stated as Sara bit her lip knowing she would have to take that picture down once they were back at the lab. _

_It was an interesting case a double homicide that to anyone else would like a double suicide but to her old team mates they knew to dig deeper. It was a passing headline with the night shift CSI's caught in a picture with the sheriff. Sara had kept it because they all had been hard at work and she wanted to remember the people who helped train her to become even better. _

"_I know about the scene murderer… Natalie. I'm a CSI it didn't take long for me to piece together who the CSI was who was taken. Look I know your past is off limits but I guessed I earned enough right to know that about you" Leo told her his look trying to judge her reaction. _

"_Leo… don't start" Sara warned despite the gnawing feeling that always rose when her past came into the fold. _

"_Sara… give me something… it was months before you left after that event, why did it take so long" Leo questioned as Sara gave him a look before looking away and sighing. _

_Leo had proven himself enough to her but she had always kept a locked down on her past, it was as though if she admitted to anything in her past then the world would see her for what she really was. _

"_I couldn't let them see me breaking… falling apart and not being able to stop it" Sara admitted in a whisper but she knew Leo heard her. _

"_Your team" "my family… I couldn't" Sara bit her self off before giving Leo a look… he was good, he had one thing that Warrick, Nick or Grissom never had, he made her open up without even trying. _

"_You get only one Tyke… one free pass to ask" Sara declared as Leo nodded taking her warning to heart. _

"_Who was it you really left… who didn't you want to see you fall apart" Leo asked bravely knowing that once they left the car Sara was never going to give him this chance again. _

"_At first I was sure it was my boss… Grissom" "because he was your boss" Leo asked before Sara looked away and clenched her jaw. _

"_because he was my lover" Sara admitted lowering her eyes, even though Leo didn't look at her… he didn't judge. _

"_But" he urged as Sara took a deep breath "I couldn't let any of them see me fall apart… because if they did then they would try to fix it" Sara admitted as Leo raised an eyebrow "would that be such a bad thing" Leo asked as Sara thought her answer over before looking to him. _

"_We have been fixing other people for so long that we forgot how to fix ourselves… I needed to fix myself and I couldn't do that with them" Sara told him as Leo nodded silently before looking at her. _

"_Do you regret… leaving your family" Leo asked as Sara swallowed before shaking her head "I miss them with every beat of my heart I really do… but I don't regret leaving because it was something I had to do" Sara admitted while Leo drove smoothly along a drive way spotting the police cars. _

"_Don't forget them Sidle… don't forget to reach back out for them when your fixed" Leo ordered as Sara gave him a look while he pulled the car to a stop. _

"_Because they may just be broken too" Leo declared before Sara nodded watching Leo climb from the car and flash her a look. _

"_I only needed one pass" he offered before he started to collect his kit leaving Sara to take a wavering breath before climbing from the car. _

_Sara bit back the bile when she stepped into the house and the scene unfolded before her, the blood splatter, the harsh lights of the police flashlights. _

_Leo had slipped into work mood and Sara followed suit as she processed the living room, gathering enough strength when she saw the young woman laying on her back staring lifelessly at the ceiling. _

"_We haven't touched anything… once we collected the husband we knew you guys wanted the scene" a police officer declared as Sara nodded looking to Leo who gave her a look. It was bad when rookies were first on scenes. _

_They were still in training mood and always questioned their actions… it would take a few years before they knew what to do and what not to do with ease. _

"_You check the rest of the house out" Leo questioned before he snapped a photo of the bloody knife laying half way across the room. The rookie looked green before he looked between the two CSI's "um no… like I said we collected the husband saw the body and left everything for you guys" the rookie was nervous as it was but it wasn't going to help the case. _

"_So you didn't check to see if anyone else was in the house… beside the vic and her husband" Sara questioned as the rookie flushed and shook his head. _

"_Sidle I've got this room… you want to check the house out" Leo asked, Sara knew he was trying to make it easier on her. She had a choice… and she chose the rest of the house, the body was too much for her. _

"_Yeah… think you can hold the fort" Sara teased as Leo made a dramatic show of thinking it over "little old me… I think I might cope" he admitted as Sara smirked before she looked to the rookie who took a few moments before nodding and heading down the hallway. _

"_Hug the wall" Sara offered as the rookie gapped at her before jumping back toward the wall, Sara shook her head but still followed him. _

"_How long you been on the job" Sara asked as she noted everything along the hallway "um about three months… this was my first solo, it was meant to be easy" the rookie all but whined as he spotted blood along the wall. _

"_Nothing is easy when it comes to this job" Sara admitted sadly she stopped at an open doorway and took in the master bedroom. She scanned the floor before her eyes spotted something out of place, nodding to officer he quickly made his way in and scoped the room before allowing her to enter. _

_Sara quickly made her way to the object she had found on the floor. She tried hard to push the bile back down as she studied the baby rattle lying broken on the floor hoping it wasn't going to turn in to a double homicide. _

_That's when she heard it… the soft tinkle of noise that made her head snap up and scan the room once more finding a door to a walk in close standing ajar. Sara slowly lifted her self back to her feet and walked over to the door leaving the officer to stare after her. _

"_Maim" he questioned before Sara pushed the door open and hold her breath when the soft wash of light exited the room. The large crib stood still against the wall and Sara had to will herself to breath as she walked over to the crib holding back the fear of seeing the worst. _

"_Maim" the officer called again as he followed her but Sara was already feeling her heart beat return to normal when movement came from the crib. There nestled beneath a green comforter two small babies huddled together, she sighed as she lent over the crib and watched the twins peacefully study the new face above them. _

"_Get Leo" Sara ordered in a gentle tone not to startle the two children who watched with hazel eyes. The officer however didn't follow this instruction and made his way over to her looking at the children before his face once more turned green. _

_Upon seeing him the babies began to whimper, tears clouding their beautiful eyes "Get Tyke now" Sara ordered firmly as the children became restless. The rookie nodded and quickly rushed from the room leaving Sara to reach out and stroke two heads with wispy brown hair. _

"_Your mommy had to leave you… but she's going to be watching over you little ones" Sara assured as the clouded eyes watched her. She could see how curious they were of her but she was shocked at how at ease they seemed to be with her. _

"_Sidle I hauled ass here what's up" Leo questioned before he came to a stop when he saw the crib "wow… put a new spin on things" Leo admitted as he stood beside Sara who only watched the babies. _

"_how" Sara questioned as Leo watched the babies and smiled sadly "she died protecting her babies" Leo offered as Sara sighed… she had been told a different version of that story a long time ago. _

_Murdered someone to protect her babies. Sara only hoped that the twins mother story was true. _

"_We need to get them to the hospital" Leo declared as Sara nodded a little hesitant to remove them from their warm shelter. _

_Leo lifted one child from the crib but before Sara could follow suit the infant-- a boy by the looks of his blue one piece, bellowed loudly in Leo's ear causing Sara to offer him a supportive look and took the crying infant from his arms. The boy soon settled down and only whimpered in Sara's arms, Leo lifted the second baby-- a girl in her pink one piece but like her brother she too bellowed in Leo's arms. _

_Shifting the little boy Sara made fast work of holding both babies with difficultly and soon both seemed comfortable enough to just offer a few whimpers about being taking from their crib. _

"_Looks like your going to process solo" Sara offered as Leo studied her before sighing "you sure you don't mind" "I'll be able to collect evidence as they check these two out" Sara offered as Leo nodded but still didn't look convinced. _

"_It's fine… I think I might need a time out on this one anyway" Sara declared nodding her head towards the family room where their vic still laid. _

"_ok… call the social, think you can handle these two while I get Rookie to fetch some car seats" Leo asked as Sara nodded swaying the babies with ease. _

_It had taken about forty five minutes before Sara was on the road with the twins fastened in the back seat, she would have opted to sit in the front but the twins howled the moment she left their view so she was wedged between the pair stroking their soft hair. _

_By the time Sara was able to sit down and have a decent cup of coffee it had been four hours since she left the crime scene. Rubbing at her eyes Sara tried to get those haunting faces out of her mind… the twins had given her the most fearful looks as she left the room for them to be checked over. Any evidence was going to be collected with out her in the room… the burly nurse had made sure of that. _

"_Sidle thought you ran off on me" Leo declared as he slipped into the seat beside her causing Sara to shake her head "waiting for the social was the longest… then the twins made a fuss when I put them down. It took twenty minutes before they were happy enough for me just to sit there" Sara admitted as Leo chuckled before leaning forward. _

"_Their going to be bumped… foster home" Leo explained as Sara sighed and looked down, the worst thing about being the kid of a murdered victim was being put in a foster home. It didn't matter if you lucked out and found that one good home you always knew that the one you came from didn't exist anymore. _

"_Do you have any idea what it's like… being in the system. It's not going to get easy for those two" Sara declared bitterly as Leo gave her a look before he shook his head and sat back. _

"_Like I said I'm a good CSI… you know the deal Sidle, it's not up to us" Leo declared as Sara growled and stood. _

"_Yeah I know… but explain that to those two kids when they are separated" Sara declared loudly gaining a look from the nurses and other visitors. _

"_Then do something Sidle" Leo offered after a few moments causing Sara to frown at him "Mackenzie… from swing shift, a few years ago he worked a case a little girl left after her mom and dad were killed. It tore at him because she clung to him during those first few hours. When social came to take her he couldn't let go, I'm not saying it's easy it wasn't for him and he's married but he fought and he got her out of the system and into a loving home… his" Leo stated as Sara studied him. _

"_You want me to adopt them… the twins" Sara questioned as Leo shrugged "you were just complaining about the system, do something to make sure they don't end up in it" Leo ordered as Sara shook her head folding her arms, not even daring to hope what he said could be possible. _

"_Social would never go for it… neither would Harris" Sara pointed out bitterly, she had already let Leo get too close today she couldn't let him do it again. _

"_Harris would support you… she's seen enough kids in the system to know how to make sure you get this. I checked out the vic… no living relatives, those babies and that bastard was all she had and now with him being put behind bars those kids don't have anyone" Leo declared as Sara shook her head once more. _

"_I'm not good with kids" Sara protested gaining a look from Leo before she waved a hand "I work doubles sometimes triple shifts… I have no significant other and no idea on how to rise a kid let alone twins" Sara declared as Leo chuckled looking up. _

"_People change… you said yourself you were good a fixing other people" Leo admitted gaining a groan from Sara before she slumped back into her seat and glared at him. _

"_Stop making sense" "I will when you start making some… tell me your not one bit interested in this… in giving those kids a better life" Leo asked as Sara looked away from him. _

"_Just don't get your hopes up" Sara ordered before the burly nurse returned and studied Leo. _

CSICSICSICSCISCISCISCISCISCISCISICSICSICSICSI

Present day

Nick studied the floor before he once Sara finished her story, she wanted so much to reach out to him again… but she didn't know if she could or if he was even willing.

"So this Leo guy" "is a friend… a good one, his wife is a child minder and has the twins while I'm here" Sara admitted as Nick nodded disgusting the information.

"Greg knew… all this time" Nick asked with a little more accusation in his voice then he intended but the truth was he was hurt. Hurt that Sara had kept something so big and important in her life from him… from them all apart from Greg.

"I needed to know what happened after I left those letters and Greg was my safest bet… I didn't tell him about the kids for a long time, he phoned when Addy was two and she picked the phone up. She would make you proud Nick, she's smart and knows how to use it" Sara admitted as she smiled at the memory of her daughter.

"As you as her mother I don't doubt it Sar" Nick agreed looking up to see Sara smiling at him, things we're better but they could be and Nick was willing to admit that.

He knew he had his chance to question her feelings for him… she had mentioned the letters so it was considered safe territory for Nick to step on.

But looking at her now, knowing that she had changed Nick knew he had to get to know this Sara now before he opened himself up again.

"I better get back to Greg… Nick I know that we're not… I hope that we can talk… later on could we just sit and talk" Sara asked as she watched Nick closely. She watched for agonizing seconds as he thought over her request before slowly looking her in the eyes and nodding.

"Yeah… we need to talk… later" Nick offered, Sara knew it wasn't an in depth conversation it would probably be grabbing breakfast with the rest of the team but it was a start she had reached out to him and he at least reached back.

Sighing Sara stood and gave Nick a small smile before she headed towards the exit leaving Nick to sit alone in the locker room.

"Hey Sidle" Nick called causing Sara to stop and look back at him "I would like to meet them… my goddaughter and godson" Nick admitted causing Sara to smile brightly at him before nodding.

"I know they would love to meet a cowboy" Sara declared feeling at ease with her old nickname from him "thank you Nick" Sara added before she left the locker room and her friend.

Nick sighed and lent back with all the new information he had received in such a short time before a small smile lingered over his lips.

"Anything for you sunshine" Nick admitted to the empty room before he too stood and left the room.

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I wanted to say thanks to my reviewers... I hope for those who are a Snickers fan will like this chapter... more Snickers to come up but this was just to get things moving along. 


	9. Dirty dancing Greg style

Chapter eight

Catherine and Sara stood watching as Greg danced around his old lab, they bit back their smiles and knew that if one looked at the other they would burst into laughter.

"right ladies… first I would like to state this is just for this case, I'm not planning on returning here to this lab again. I've been shown the world beyond these four walls" Greg declared as he came to a stop before them.

"So why were you dancing" Sara questioned as Catherine smirked and ducked her eyes when Greg shot her a look.

"Why my dear Sara is because I don't have a potters wheel and no Demi Moore to stand behind that's why" Greg declared causing both women to frown at him.

"Ok Greg you've lost me" Catherine admitted as Greg beamed at her "the traces from the bodies and clothes are clay more specifically potters clay… you know from the movie Ghost" Greg declared as both women rolled their eyes and Greg simply shook his head.

"you call yourselves women" "you'll be calling yourself that if you ever say that again Greggo" Sara warned as Greg flashed her a smile.

"noted and scared… well as I said it's potters clay, those girls were near a potters wheel" Greg declared as Sara frowned.

"They both hated art and neither had any classes that involved making pots" Sara declared before Catherine thought.

"So it's from our suspect and the crime scene" Catherine pointed out as Sara nodded while Greg beamed at them.

"Ah it's good to know I still have the touch. Something else odd, it's unheated clay… when someone finishes a pot as Sara so gracefully put it they cook it to dry it out and make it more useable" Greg said as Sara pursed her lips but reframed from warning Greg again.

"Jane Combs had less then Keely Appleton on her but still enough to prove surprising" Greg admitted as both women nodded.

"Also Jane Combs had foreign matter in a head wound… I checked it out it's a mixture of metal shavings and grease" Greg handed the women printed sheets.

"It's car grease… more specific wheel grease, so I got a mould of the wound and I'm looking for some tire wrenches to match them up" Greg informed them as Sara frowned.

"We never found any other wounds on the other bodies… just strangled then stabbed" Sara told them as Greg smirked "so the sick son of bitch made a mistake" Greg offered as Catherine nodded looking to Sara who was thinking it over.

"He's been making a lot of them" Sara admitted before rubbing her eyes not going unnoticed by her two friends.

"Sara when was the last time you slept" Catherine questioned as Sara glanced at her then to Greg and gave them both a sheepish grin "I was just off a shift when I got the call… in fact I had barely been home twenty minutes" Sara admitted as Catherine rolled her eyes.

"Same old Sara" Catherine muttered as Sara chuckled but still shook her head "not really… I've just come back from a two week vacation" Sara told her laughing when Catherine gapped at her and Greg grinned.

"Well I would never believe that Sara Sidle would take a holiday" Catherine teased before Sara reddened.

"How about we grab something to eat and then you can grab a few hours sleep" Catherine declared as Sara thought about it and decided it was a great idea. It had taken someone to finally say the words sleep for Sara to feel the draining effects of working a full shift then a flight.

"I'll grab my stuff from Brass's office and meet up with you guys" Sara assured as Catherine furrowed her brow "where are you staying" Catherine questioned as Sara shrugged "I'm sure to find a hotel… I heard Vegas have some" Sara joked as Catherine shook her head "no… you can stay with us" Catherine declared before the words hit her.

"Cath… thanks but… it's just… I can't" Sara tried to be tactful but the truth was it was still a little unnerving to see Catherine and Grissom so close. It had been easier to imagine she was ok with the couple when she didn't have to see them.

"Well you can't stay in a hotel… Warrick has Megan and the kids" Catherine pointed out as Sara nodded already taking note of her sleeping arrangements. She had been all to happy to spend her time in a hotel… she wanted to catch up but she knew she couldn't just invite her self back into their home lives.

"Nick is out of the question" Sara declared coolly ignoring the looks of interest from her friends, that was one conversation she couldn't have yet. Though she and Nick were on good footing to get back to being friends it wasn't strong enough to push it with sleeping arrangements. She had been truthful when she wrote that letter to Nick and it broke her heart every time she thought that maybe he had taking her advice and ended up married just like Warrick despite the fact that Greg would have mentioned it the moment she spoke to him.

What stopped her from asking Nick was the fact that she had confessed she loved him but his reaction wasn't exactly a declaration of love for her in fact she was pretty sure he didn't feel anything like she felt for him, Nick valued friendship and she had pretty much ruined it by leaving without a goodbye add to the fact that she pretty much sprung on him that he was a godfather to her twins she was sure she understood his anger towards her.

"How about me" Greg offered gaining a look from both women, Sara wouldn't dare admit that she didn't even consider Greg. Not that she was worried about what it might mean it was the fact that he was just Greg the life line she had back to Vegas.

"Greg" "oh come on I've matured I won't dare suggest a PJ pillow fight" Greg joked as Sara chuckled savouring the feeling of laughing at Greg she had missed it for far too long.

"Greg I couldn't ask you to put me up" Sara reasoned as Greg shook his head "what it will be fine… I have the spare room, Sara it will be fine I promise… we have at least four walls between us so you don't hear the snoring" Greg chirped turning his puppy dog eyes on her.

Sara was lost but she still pursed her lips together and gave him a thoughtful look, causing Greg to turn up his puppy dog look.

"fine… fine… but one thing Sanders and I swear you won't feel the gun" Sara ordered as Greg clapped his hands and jumped a little causing both women to laugh a little before Sara shook her head.

"matured" Sara questioned as Greg gave her a look before rushing from the room leaving both women standing there holding back the laughter.

After a few moments they dared to glance at each other and burst out laughing. It took a few moments for them to regain control, wiping their eyes Sara lent against the table and glanced at Catherine and finally took her in for the first time since arriving.

"I'm happy Cath" Sara admitted while Catherine looked at her with a slight giggle still lingering.

"For you and Gil… I really am" Sara admitted sobering Catherine up quickly. Sara swallowed as Catherine turned serious and she began to worry.

"You really did love him didn't you" Catherine stated no hint of a question in her voice, slowly Sara nodded staring directly into the older woman's eyes.

"Yes… I still do, not the way I used to but I still love him" Sara admitted as Catherine nodded collecting her thoughts before she nodded slightly to her self and Sara saw the hint of jealousy and warning in her eyes.

"I'm going to marry Gil… because I love him" "Cath I figured out that I'm love with some one else, if you think I had any intention of coming here to steal Gil from you then your wrong" Sara stopped her and Catherine raised her eyebrows.

"There was times before and after I wrote those letters when I thought that coming back, just for Gil would be enough… it was the old routine Cath, run to Gil and everything would be ok. But it faded after a while, I figured out I never loved him that way long before Natalie kidnapped me. I kept that voice buried deep, because being in love with Gil was all I knew… even when I messed up it was only Gil's opinion that mattered because I thought if I wasn't good enough he wouldn't love me and I thought I would die" Sara admitted as Catherine watched her sadness breaking through.

"Is that why you left the letter… told me to try something with Gil was because you didn't want to be in love with him anymore" Catherine asked as Sara lowered her eyes and tried to recall what made her think she could ever come back a explain why she wrote those letters.

She guessed that her telling Catherine to try something with Grissom was in some way Sara giving Catherine permission to go after him but that wasn't what she meant.

"No… at least not all of it… I was unhappy Cath, I didn't think I had anything left after being kidnapped but I thought if this was it for me then I could do something for all of you… tell you something to make things ok. I left and I didn't even say goodbye, I wanted you to have the memory of me at least doing something right before I left your lives for good" Sara admitted as Catherine lowered her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I wasn't going to come back… ever because it wasn't just Vegas that scared me but you guys… I was scared that if I came back then I would see how happy you were with out that I would question if I should have ever been here in the first place" Sara declared wiping a few tears away from her eyes.

"It broke Gil's heart when you left… I didn't think I was going to ever get him back after you left not as a lover but as a friend. And I hated you for that because… because I was jealous that you could take something from him that I couldn't even touch but now I have my Gil and I want to keep him" Catherine spoke more gently but the hint of warning was still there.

"I know you will… Gil has really got something special now, it's healthy and it will keep him out of work long enough to enjoy the world" Sara admitted smiling at Catherine who returned the smile.

"Come on before Greg thinks we've left him" Catherine ordered as Sara laughed and collected the evidence and followed the older woman out.

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I've catching up on all my stories... this started out as a little more light hearted but then it got a bit more serious towards the end. I just wanted to show how Catherine and Sara would both act if the letter came up. Hope you enjoyed


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